I'm Getting Married!

I remember Valentine's Day 2003 because it was my last kiss with Kate, a girl I was kind of seeing while kind of seeing Natalie. It’s actually common in Mormonism to date many girls or boys at the same time. We are encouraged to date a lot and get married as soon as possible. The real reason we get married so young is that the majority of young Mormons are horny af and are usually virgins. The only way to experience sex without going to hell is to put a ring on it. Well, 21 years later, Natalie still has the ring. We met each other in December and we were married in June.

This Valentine's Day, we did a staycation at Sundance to have some “us” time away from the teenagers, but also to recalibrate and get ready for the next 21 years. We saved all our love letters from our short courtship and read those together. We often write each other love letters around Valentine's or when I go on a business trip, or after an argument. For me, it's hard not to get into arguments because I often think I'm right, especially now with AI on my side. But I am learning slowly that there are things called “feelings” and they are not wrong or right; you just have to hear about them and listen.

At the age of 43, I've come to accept that I may never fully understand feelings. I want to, but I don’t feel the same things others do. So, instead of working on my feelings, I am going to work on my actions. I asked Natalie if she would marry me again. I got down on one knee and took a silver gum wrapper and made a ring. I figured it's a new era, so we can invite all our friends, have our kids as flower girls, and even involve our dogs.

I guess the proper name is “renewing of vows ceremony”, but because we didn’t really do vows in a Mormon temple, this will be kind of our official wedding that is open to friends, where we will write and read vows to each other. Let's not start on Mormon temple weddings; that's not the right energy for the day. Besides, many Mormons might argue with me in reply emails, but I'm confident in my arguments, bolstered by AI and logic.

The right energy for the day is love—a feeling, a power, an act, a movement, a science, and my religion. No one can buy it, no one can own it, no one can take it. It is possibly the only reason we exist. Love has probably confounded more people than any concept we can study. It could heal a nation if we let it, it could reunite any estranged relationship if used with care. When you meet someone with lots of love, it’s easier love back.

Natalie gave me her heart, and reminds me of this, sometimes in tears, when she is scared or afraid of the future. I wonder if it's wise to give one's heart so fully to another; perhaps it's best to keep a piece for oneself. But then again, I am not Natalie. She loves me and our girls more than we deserve. This is also why I think she might be a god. I learned that god loves me unconditionally, and my only real example of this love is from her, so she must be a god?

God, goddess, or human with godly love, I don’t know for sure, but I am just glad I found her many years ago and she found me. Actually, it was a blind date, and she called me first because her aunt was relentless to hook us up.

I don’t let Natalie proofread any of my emails, but this time I thought I would let her, and she was disappointed I didn’t directly spill my guts about how much I love her in this email. I told her that isn’t the point of the email. Also, the second couples start gushing love online, it’s usually followed by a breakup. I don’t want to jinx us.

Happy 4:20 and Vday to all,

SP