I’m American

America is the most successful startup in the world right now by many measures. I sit in Irish pubs and eavesdrop on the conversations around me—about Trump, Elon, Russia, Los Angeles riots. I don’t know what’s real or not in these pub conversations, but America is almost always mentioned. More than any other girl in the room, she’s the one getting the mentions. I’m in Belfast, where they got car burnings often…but the talk is of American cars burning.

I used to travel internationally and feel embarrassed about my country. I was troubled by our foreign policy and by some of the things our leaders said and did. I didn’t enjoy that we were always acting as the world’s police, constantly in conflict. I felt we could take a break from starting wars.

I was in my twenties when I felt that way, and I’m glad I went through that stage. I haven’t become more war-loving or more comfortable with conflict, but I also no longer take on America’s decisions as my own. She does what she does. I am Scott. I don’t speak for America or her actions. I’ve never voted, never run for office. I was born in America, born Mormon, born with a penis, and my skin is white. I now don’t live a single day wishing that these attributes outside of my control where different.

Sure, I could change my citizenship, my religion, my sex—and maybe even my race (though I haven’t looked into that). But that’s not my journey in this incarnation. And even if I changed all of those things, I’ve already spent half my life as an American, Mormon, white man. That doesn’t just disappear—it’s hard-coded into my makeup. I don’t need to feel shame or pride about it, but I do feel I should honor who I am and what I’ve done with the dice roll I was given.

The Irish are ancient. Across this land, there are relics that predate the Pyramids of Giza. They worshipped the Sun, of course, along with many Celtic gods. They’ve endured thousands of years of conquest on their small island. They built fortresses on every corner of every city—many of which still stand. They are not a startup anymore. They are well-baked. I’m glad America has so much Irish in it. We were built by these ancient people, and their grit lives in the way our country punches—and in how it takes punches.

I am a utopian. I believe that in the near future, we won’t need to punch anymore. America—and the rest of the world—is evolving toward a state of enlightenment. I am American, but that only accounts for about 1% of how I think. To understand me, you have to look toward the future. That’s where I live and dwell. I’ve been there most of my life.

I use the past to guide my thoughts. I try to learn as much as I can about how we got to where we are. That learning happens all day, every day, no matter where you are in the world. There are signs and clues everywhere, staring right at us. These clues show us what the future might look like. You can gain the most insight into your own future, but with enough stillness and vision, you can glimpse the future of the world beyond you.

I’ve always seen the future. I didn’t realize that not everyone did until it started becoming a point of disagreement with those around me. Now, when I walk or drive, I’m looking into what’s ahead—not just for me, but so I can help guide others. Especially my family. I feel responsible for them while they’re still young. They also guide me in times when I couldn’t see clearly.

Right now as your read my oldest daughter is attempting the summit of Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. She is being guided fortunately and has my dad and mom and my brother there to help her to the top. Maybe she doesn’t make it, but the journey is what we are here for at the end, not the summit.

America, I will see you soon. Angeline, I will see you soon too. Jane will be with us soon too back from Australia.

Happy 11:20 Northern Ireland and 4:20 Utah

Scott X