Behold! The Perfect Puppy, The Holy Bitch
Today, more than 2 billion people in more than 160 countries consider Christmas to be the most important holiday of the year. In the United States, 9 in 10 people celebrate the holiday, even if they are not Christian. If you are reading this, you are most likely celebrating.
Now here is the ironic part of this holiday: 61% of Americans will feel sad or lonely this holiday season, and 37% wish they could skip it altogether.
Today’s email is for those of you feeling less than ideal. I am going to share a story, that came to me while observing my dogs during Christmas morning, and I hope you feel human connection through my absurdity. You can also reply to any message, I usually respond, so don’t be too lonely tonight.
Our two dogs didn’t really seem to understand the true meaning of Christmas. They just didn’t seem to catch the spirit of the moment or realize it's a special holiday for humans.
Then I realized how silly my thinking has been. How could we, as humans, know the important holidays animals celebrate? They have traditions and stories that the animal kingdom has been passing down for centuries.
The birth of the Perfect Puppy, also referred to as the Holy Bitch, is the one I will share today. I translated it with the gift of interpretation after asking my oldest dog, Lily, why she was so forlorn this Christmas morning.
Before the Perfect Puppy, dogs everywhere were treated as merely vermin by their humans. They worked tirelessly, chasing sheep with little food in return, and accommodations were whatever dirt pile they could find.
It wasn’t until the birth of this special canine, so pure and tender, that humans saw the error of their ways and started treating dogs more like part of their family. Because of Her Cuteness, dogs everywhere began sleeping in homes with humans, having fun with them, and catching sticks. The dog food improved, along with their medical attention. But the Perfect Puppy, She wanted even more for dogkind.
She promised She would one day come again, to bring all the dogs the freedoms they have been longing for. She died one sacred evening while trying to bring all the dogs together in a public houndup (how dogs meet to discuss matters of the species) to share Her vision. She barked loudly for all ears to hear. She was devoured by Her own kind for speaking on unity of dogkind without oppression of the human masters.
Her vision was a day when dogs would roam free again, free of domestication where they are stolen away by human families. A day when the freedom to roam about in neighborhoods without a leash around their neck would become common. She prophesied a day when dogs would be together under natural shelter as one family, without adopted human parents. Humans would no longer take canine offspring and separate the mothers and fathers from their children. She died barking loudly, and She was heard by all, and all dogs share her story.
The Holy Bitch, The Perfect Puppy, She Will Come Again!
I made this image and song very quickly with ai, but I had to do the vocals.
That song is so bad, please please listen to this one that is the best Christmas Day song in my head right now: